Anarking

A cautionary tale

Religion is like a cock, I’m happy that you have one and are proud of it, but I and everyone else would appreciate it if you didn’t swing it around in public and just keep it to yourself.

Puppy problems

Weekend sitting my friends dog, I should have gotten stronger drugs.

I forgot how much of a bitch it is to have puppies around. Those fuckers are best compared to a roid raging Tom Cruise with the effects of a double helping sized speedball coursing through his veins. Tweeking out on visions of reaching the boss level of his fucked up religion, where he and Xenu battle for all the metaclorians.

Here’s how it went down. This little cunt got bathed and walked and all the shit responsible owners do in the evening with their dogs. All seemed good, then all hell broke loose.

Remember those quarter bouncy balls you got as a kid leaving a grocery store or Caldore, I bet most of you fuckers never heard of Caldore and its hideous logo and color scheme. I still remember the parking lots of Caldores, getting to second base under the florescent sign with its “C” standing out like a curved turd illuminating the suburban sprawl. It colors were like a shit after eating nothing but candy corn.

Anyways getting back to those bouncy balls and this little black furred coke addict of a dog. Her fucking main event was to mimic that bouncy ball all over the living room. She threw herself into the back of the couch torso first with no regards for personal safety or physics. Flying over my woman landing like the NASA Challenger right in front of the muzzle of my German Shepherd/mutt. It was clear to me that I need to tether the little floor pissing terror to my waist, otherwise my alpha dog, who already pissed with her for trying to take her treat earlier in the night, would annihilate her. I could see her tensing up. Imagine a hyper 2 year old getting into a baboons cage and punching it in the balls repeatedly. If you are imagining it like I fucking told you to, will you point your attention to the expression that baboon has on its face. Well that is the same look Mauls was giving me. It’s like she was trying to say, “I will crush this little cunts head with my jaws in about 5 minutes if you don’t get her under control”. Mauls was a goddamn hard puppy to break and this little twat was trying to compare. But Mauls is the baddest bitch I ever dealt with, she had me on the verge of bringing her back to the adoption center like some god damn asshole. These pussy ass owners can’t see it through and get the reward of an eternally loyal companion and instead go and buy a Lab or Yorkie from a puppy mill and then get kids and ignore their designer beast. So if Mauls didn’t break me no fucking way would Sammy come close.

The night is still young and she still hasn’t shit, I don’t expect the next few nights to be easy.

The Pledge (ReBoot)

So the Pledge of Allegiance has always irked me. I like the overall idea of each country having prayer or some sort of mission statement but America’s shit is no longer valid so let’s rewrite it shall we. Don’t get your patriotic shit stained panties in a bunch this pledge has been rewritten times before so its all good.

First some edits.

I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Let’s see. Pledging to lay ones life down for a flag is goddamn retarded so lets modify the word allegiance. First word that comes to mind is defiance let’s pledge that instead to a country whose leaders are constantly denying our civil liberties. But pledging defiance to a flag is silly humanization of an inanimate object, and as Sinclair Lewis predicted: “When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.”

I pledge defiance to those hiding fascism behind the Flag of the United States of America,

Next lets look at this little ditty: “and to the Republic for which stands”. The first thing that one would say is hold up a minute buddy are we a republic or a democracy. Well that depends on how rich you are and how many congressmen can you get to call you back. If you are the 99% of Americans with out the needed clout to get you any sort of attention from your elected representative then the answer is neither. Some would argue, “oh well we are a REPRESENTATIVE republic/democracy. But that’s not really true because most of our representatives don’t give a shit about their voting constituency as much as they do about lining their pockets. And the best way for any congressman or senator to get some cash is not from votes but from rimjobbing corporate interests. Corporate interests usually pilfer money from the poor by creating laws that force things that are useful and cheap to be illegal or controlled, see drugs, travel and food. At the same time the representatives make up shit laws that impose fines, tarrifs and wasteful spending of the public’s money. So let’s call black, black and our government a kleptocracy.

I pledge defiance to those hiding fascism behind the Flag of the United States of America and to the Kelptocracy for they stand,

Next bit, “one Nation under God”. This little number was snuck in relatively recently around the 1950s, by some asshole lawyer from Illinois who obviously enjoyed sucking the priests cock during catechism classes a little bit to much. Later the Knights of Columbus took to it and then the government. To this day assholes from both parties argue about God and religion and that kind of shit. Anyways I say we keep God in it not because I also love sucking on the cocks of men who swear celibacy and wear dresses but because it has become a part of the division propaganda that is crippling our country. Plus it makes the surveillance cameras not as bad when you are thinking there is an invisible man in the sky constantly spying on you.

I pledge defiance to those hiding fascism behind a God and the Flag of the United States of America and to the Kelptocracy for they stand, one nation divided, under surveillance,

And finally the last line, the punch line if you will: “with liberty and justice for all”. Ha fucking ha! If you think there is a justice system in America that favors ALL Americans and not just the well-to-do or their jackbooted thugs (i.e. police) then you must be really lost. Here is a link to the NFL, go watch some football or some shit.

So here it is your new pledge. Memorize it understand it and recited it anytime you are forced to pray to a flag.

I pledge defiance to those hiding fascism behind a God and the Flag of the United States of America and to the Kelptocracy for they stand, one nation divided, under surveillance, with lies and injustice for most.

Libertariassholes Fuck Off

So recently I was on turntable.fm in the mood for some chill friday music. I found this room called Chill Tent and figured this would be as good of a place as any just stay a while a get some work done. I was as wrong as a baby in a bath house. Upon a few songs this guy asks me why I consider myself and anarchist because after skimming my blog he has decided I am a statist and blah blah blah.

Instantly my “over-educated shithead” sensor went off like a bitch. He began listing his credentials; a libertarian, extensive studies in history and philosophy and a phD in being a dildo quality assurance tester (i made the last one up). The more he started chatting the more obvious it was that it was some jerkoff that has had his nose in too many text books and not enough flowers. He decided that anarchy leads to dictatorships and that no way could it ever work otherwise and he went on like this circlejercking with another friend of his in the room like a couple of baby cubs with their first hard-on.

“What about the Qin Dynasty, what about France, what about Russia, what about Somalia?”
In the immortal words of Crass, “What if I told you to fuck off?”

After telling him I am not wikipedia and am not well versed in any of the subjects he is prattling on about to discuss them but that anarchy to me just makes more sense then following a leader, I figured he would just take the hint that I gave very few fucks about his opinions. But he kept on until I said that by asking rhetorical questions he is just exposing what a ginormous dickhead he actually is in real life and that I was not trying to convince him to become an anarchist. At that point he banned me from the chill room. I guess he made that room so that he could try to chill while getting into heated political debates. Some people suck at social networks, and this coming from an reddit troll of renown stature.

Anyways he did make me realize just how little I knew of successful anarchist communities. Luckily the internet and more specifically wikipedia has some interesting info on that.

I am a firm believer in the “experience it to truly understand it” theory and while I tend to live the anarchist precepts but never experienced a true anarchist community. So I plan on visiting some, many of which are in the states. So I present to you the following Anarkingdoms which i hope to visit one day:

• Freetown Christiania, Denmark
• Home, Washington, USA (although defunct now still would be neat to see)
• Stapleton Colony, Stapleton, North Yorkshire, England
• The Trumbullplex, Woodbridge neighborhood of Detroit, Michigan, USA
• Twin Oaks Community, Louisa County, Virginia, USA
• Utopia, Clermont County, Ohio, USA

If you have any news on these communities I have a comments area below.

This kept me up last night.

Question for fundamentalists who like to pretend they are Republicans: If gays can’t have kids, abortion is bad, and rape is ok, can lesbians that are raped keep the child they are forced to have or will they have to put it up for adoption?

Kuwait stands with Occupy?

The Kuwait on Tuesday issued a veiled criticism of its ally the United States after 100 protesters were hurt in weekend clashes with police, defending the “universal right” to freedom of assembly.

On Sunday, riot police used rubber bullets, tear gas and stun grenades and beat up hundreds of demonstrators to break up the protest, which the opposition described as the largest demonstration in the recent US history.

The opposition said Monday it will push ahead with protests until the government meets its demands for reform.

“We’re obviously following the situation in New York City carefully,” Kuwaiti Department spokeswoman Emir Sheikh Sabah al-Ahmad al-Sabah said.

“We call on all sides to exercise restraint, to approach their differences peacefully and in a manner that’s consistent with the U.S. constitution and rule of law, including the universal rights of Americans to peacefully assemble and to express themselves,” al-Sabah said.

“We support, whether it’s in the U.S. or whether it’s anywhere else in the world, the right of peaceful assembly.”

The anarchist and socialist-led opposition, which says that more than 100,000 people took part in the protest, has pledged to boycott elections slated for November.

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Correction: it was the other way around seems the U.S. was the one criticizing the Kuwait. Honest mistake. Here is the actual story: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/10/24/u-s-chides-kuwait-in-wake-of-protest-clashes/

Dear California

Dear Governer Brown or more likely secretary or even intern,

I must admit that I do not know too much about you other then what I heard of in a dead kennedys song awhile back. It did not paint a pretty picture of you. Recently my friend who live is Highland Park told me that you are actually an all right dude, so I thought I would give this a try.

Before I start with the whole point of this correspondence I would like to tell you more about myself. In 1986 when neon was becoming a thing, a polish kid landed on gold west coast shores. After a short while, just long enough to give him a social security number starting with 5, they were off for the other coast. The child left but took with him his love and pride of the californian sun. 

So there you have it Jer, I consider myself Californian through and through and I have the hopes of making it back to your unaffordable, sun kissed land of surfers and some of the most efficient and helpful pharmacies around. All my friends are feeling so much better lately and they go on and on about how great homeopathy is treating them. I care about California, is what I am getting at here, JJ. I care and I see your very real issues. 

Your traffic situation is choking the city and crippling your industries. Smog is thicker than I remember since my last trip a year ago, and parts of your city near that canal are looking grim. I have a solution for all 3 with 1 idea. Fill the LA River. Fill up that concrete gash through your city. Create a water way for transit and recreation. Think of it property value increases. Alternative energy vehicles  encouraged. New and exciting method of transit will be an easy sell. Create new recreation areas spurring more business allowing proceeds to go toward cleaning of the canal.

What do you think Jerry, good idea or great idea. I will accept my key to the city now.

Kamil

Blog history month, day 9 - the big reveal

I had this totally awesome blog post but then my dog ate it.

Blog Hist. Mon. Day Ocho. Minnesodumb

What’s up Minnesota?

I think I am over you. I used to think that you were like the Oregon of the Midwest. I thought you were progressive and a pretty neat place to live if not so damn cold, but all that has changed now. I pretended not to care when Bachman got into congress with her freaky stare and her homophobia. It was cool we all make mistakes and you let one nut slip through the fuckwad filter.

You elected Franken and he was all intelligent about the need for net neutrality and was doing okay work not mucking shit up to bad. But then came the MPAA’a butthole and Al was one of those morons who had their tongue so deep in it that when the SOPA turd came out to shit all over the constitution he proclaimed it to be chocolate. That hurt a bit more because I though maybe Al would defeat Bachman in an epic duel with fire swords and lasers and all would return to normal, instead he took the side of his Hollywood buddies then pissed into the face of every internet geek that got him elected.

Okay Minnesota you could not have seen that coming so again I did not hold it over your head. Many of my friends hail from your lakey lands and they are good peeps so I figured you were just having a bad year. But now with your love for Santorum, well now I am afraid I am going to have to ask you to go fuck yourself. It is plain to see that you are a land filled with homophobic neo-conservatives and easily fooled liberals that are more interested in supporting along party lines than actually holdong people accountable for their actions and we are no longer friends. Keep your silly accents, your lakes and your pants on head political leanings. To me you are one of the douche states, right up there with Indiana and Florida. Enjoy being wrong and frozen.

Blarg history munt numbers, clever words

Blah blah blah some hook to get noticed on the manageria of statuses of more interesting people. Stuff about stuff, kinda lame, with maybe a few jokes.

Next section more jokes, crazy statments, mostly word noises. Nothing to great. Fucking Lorum ipsum would better.

Last part, some resolution, maybe another joke. Lasting stament, something quotable.

Man I need to change my meta game.