Anarking » Band Reviews

Angry Building

Anarking Is Dead — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 04:22:29 +0000

Hotwire

Anarking Is Dead — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 04:04:32 +0000

I love when crap bands get flushed away it’s quite a cleansing feeling and the world gets just a little shinier. I saw this band around 2003 and thought holy fuck why would you name yourself Hotwire, like that won’t be taken by ten thousand other thing, might as well call your band the Tigers or Coldcuts.

Here’s what I thought of them back then:

This pretty unoriginal rap-rock band from L.A. sounds like Rage Against the Machine with a bad case of laryngitis. Unlike Rage, the mediocre songs carry little more of a message than “teen angst is cool.” These four chaps produce music that sounds too lame to be rap and too repetitive to catch my interest. True, the lead singer can scream, but so could the guy in Carcass, and do you know where he is now? Probably pumping gas for a Citgo in Wyoming. The screechy Korn guitars try to emphasize just how unoriginal this band is, but even that is overpowered by the lame-osity of Hotwire.

Now I don’t I am not referring to Hotwire.com: Discount flights and cheap airfare nor Hotwire Blues, Rock, And Country Delivered With Heart & Soul (which I’m sure is also fan-fucken-horrible), nor do I mean to tarnish the musical prowess of this Hotwire: with these douchecabibbles:

Here’s the band’s website: good luck and god speed with it.

The Datsuns

Anarking Is Dead — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 13:59:10 +0000

Harder than your 13 year old cousin at next to the lesbian float at the gay pride parade! Rock like this can only come out of New Zealand. Ah, New Zealand, where the dingoes steal your babies and the koalas take your boyhood and make you a bitter old man. An enchanted land of Hobbits and man/sheep offspring. Anyways, I got really into this band. The songs were going at a breakneck pace and the amps were going into the red. All this chaos was masterfully crafted and controlled to bring out one hell of a show.

With a song like “Motherfucker from Hell” it’s next to impossible to be a shitty band. I recommend checking this band out but then again, I also recommend not brushing your teeth, so what the fuck do I know. Go fuck yourself.

Les Sans Culottes

Anarking Is Dead — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:07:35 +0000

Remember Shaggy, Scooby-Doo and the rest of those who rode in the Mystery Machine? Ok, now try to remember those cheesy go-go songs that played while the gang was running after or away from the monsters. Well, just picture yourself watching this in France and those songs are replace with the same versions but in French and you have the sound Les Sans Coulettes put forth. Two girls and one guy who fakes a French accent pretty well make up the Maginot Line of vocals (mostly sung in French). The vocalists, one of whom was a really hot Japanese girl is now replace with some other chick not as hot but still easy on the old yeux, are accompanied by guitar, tambourine (what go-go rock band would be complete without one), a high-pitched bass, a guy that looks nothing like Raiden from Mortal Kombat with on keyboards, and a drummer. The sparse crowd (200 or so) didn’t really get into the L.S.C until they did a cover of Nancy Sinatra’s “These Boots Are Made For Walking” in French. I really couldn’t get into them. Maybe it’s because I failed French in both high school and college, or maybe it’s just that I find go-go music silly, no matter how well you play “Wipeout.” ‚a va mal. It’s not that I don’t aime Les Sans Coulettes it’s just not my bag of freedom fries, too much “hon hon” “Oui oui” and “Sacre Bleu” for me.

Brand New Immortals

Anarking Is Dead — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 14:29:38 +0000

This band is pretty lame. It’s your average alternative rock band with little to prove and even less to say. A standard 4-guy rock band that will inevitably one day end up like Hootie and the Blowfish or Matchbox 20 if they’re really, really lucky. There’s nothing new about the Brand New Immortals and Atlanta has never been so humiliated. Even though the rhythm guitarist sports a pretty punk rock mohawk and even a Billy Idol-like snare that’s where the punk rock stops and the common denominator music begins. I pray that they are very mortal and will die one day.

Note: So I wrote this about 4 years ago and as it turns out the Immortals were in fact not. They stained the world with a 6 track E.P. the faded into oblivion like one of those hypercolor shirts but leaving less of an impact than the hyper color shirts did. They blamed their record label for lack of listeners but I tend to think they needed to look inwards. So where are they now?

The guy who formed this unsavory concocktion pursued his music career and formed the Brand Name Importables with John “I love monkey balls” Mayer, and Steve “Buy My iCrap” Jobs.

The bassist is now in Train, a band that makes middle age Italian woman weak in the knees and me weak in the bowels. That shitty band with that shitty song about “drops of Jupiter” which I swear is a veiled reference to the lead singer witnessing his mother get her face spooged on by some dude named Jupiter. If that wasn’t proof enough that a career in the music biz isn’t as rewarding as many a tragically dressed teenager would have you believe, this douche is also a temp. in the reality T.V. band Rock Star Supernova, a temp for christ sakes.

As for the other two, one dude (mohawk guy) was a temp and is never again mentioned as for the drummer he’s probably some drum tech for some band he wishes he could drum for but will never be allowed to since his little brand new immortal fiasco.

The Whirlwind Heat

Anarking Is Dead — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 05:27:45 +0000

Watching this band perform is like watching this band go through puberty together.

It’s awkward and ugly.

If by Whirlwind Heat they mean anal vapors and by being a band they mean making horrible noise alone with stupid shouting like the song whose lyrics consist only of “1,2,3″ then they are a band worthy of the name. What the fuck, this ain’t Sesame Street and you ain’t the Count. First off, they have no guitar except for one song and then you realize why they have no guitar. And don’t get me wrong, you don’t need a guitar to have a successful band, but you do need something to fill that void. And their Moog and drum sample only makes the void more noticeable. You know what else pisses me off about this band? It totally fucks my rule of 3 people in a band equal good music theory. If I may I’d like to use a quaint simile to paint a more colorful portrait of this band. Here goes, as a whole, this band is like shit and its members are like the corn kernels embedded within it. Definitely not Iggy and the Stooges as the singer would have you believe.

Note: I wrote this review about 4 years ago and this band is still in existence as a band and not as managers at some guitar store so perhaps they have matured and stopped being such crap. I will make a note of seeing them again when they tour around here and may very well recant and ask for forgiveness from the gods of all things metal.

If you want to check them out, here:www.whirlwindheat.com.