Anarking

Wisdom of the Nigerian

March 21, 2010 on 10:28 pm | In Uncatagorized Bastard |

A few nights back I found my car resting on cinder blocks with all of the wheels taken off and 3 cops standing around it like sticks stuck in shit, if these sticks were holding flashlights and asking retarded questions. This is the second time somebody vandalized my car in this pleasant semi-urban town where mothers leave their kids toys in the local tot lots (little kid parks) and people who don’t know your ass greet you while you are on your way to work in the morning. The community is great here the issue is that these cops like pretty much all cops, suck at their job which basically only has two purposes, one being to serve and the other to protect. I assume protect also applies to property. Lately it seem cops will bust you for smoking weed at your house but catching criminals who steals tires in the middle of the night is outside of their ability. Seems to me serve and protect has mutated to dominate and harass.

I have been a victim of crime in this quite town more in my 3 years of living here than in my 8 years of living in New York City. But I take it in stride I try to recall the wisdom of the Nigerian whenever life lands a kick square in my balls.

Let’s jump back a few months to when I was working at the local high school as their web master. I worked there for almost 5 years of which 3.5 were fantastic and then my competent boss left and was replaces with a Gimli looking cunt bag who rim jobbed her way to the top. No one in her department respected her because she was the type of person that would function better with a tire iron permanently lodged into the back of her skull. She became head of IT without typing a single line of code in her life, hell I bet she would hemorrhage if she ever had to install windows on her tablet PC which she insisted in having for some reason.

Here are some quotes that are prime examples of her techno-anemia:

Idiot Boss: “Correct me if I’m wrong but we got a new server with 2 triggabytes of memory!”
Disgruntled Employee: “2 Terabytes.”
Idiot Boss: “Oh how much is a triggabyte.”
Disgruntled Employee: “Depends how hungry the trigga is.”

Idiot Boss: “What is the difference between a blog and a forum?”
Disgruntled Employee: “Well Paula, a blog typically has a singular author and the user comments focus around a particular topic that this author chooses to post. While a forum can have numerous admins and authors who can add threads and users can respond to the threads or create their own.”
Idiot Boss: “Oh I see so a blog is just a fancier forum.”
Disgruntled Employee: *facepalm

Idiot Boss: *pointing to a CD drive “Do all of the computers in the labs have internal hard drives?”
Disgruntled Employee: *facepalm

Idiot Boss: “Why is RSS better than HTML?”
Disgruntled Employee: “Kind of the same way a potato is better than a 747 jet.”

As you can see many people were unhappy. Many people moved on. those that disagreed with her or openly poked fun at her were forced out one way or another. I was one of those people, she was trying to pin remediation on me and I was getting depressed about it. I was quite unhappy until I spoke with a Nigerian Hardware Support Tech I had previously dismissed as clueless because of his constantly cheery ways. It seemed to me like shit was hitting the fan and he acted like it was raining Hershey kisses. It pissed me off, I wanted him to be miserable like me, with me. We were working for the same Napoleon complexed dolt yet he was fine with it, genuinely fine with it.

One particular day. When shit got really serious I cracked a tad and had to ask him why the fuck he was so happy. So I did and to this day I will remember his words and recant this story to all that will listen as the Wisdom of the Nigerian.

Disgruntled Employee: “You’re always smiling, you’re always happy, nothing ever bothers you, why is that, what is your secret?”
Wise Nigerian: “Ha ha my friend I will tell you. You see i come to America from a small village in Nigeria. We have no computer, we have no water close by. Life is hard but people were always happy. But I will tell you there are many guns there, and there are many bad people out there, and these people do many bad things, and when you see this bad things, really bad things, when you see them happen but you wake up the next day still ok you are happy everyday that you don’t see these bad men do this bad things.”

It hit me. I had my limbs, I never saw my village pillaged and girls I grew up with raped at gun point by some assholes who think an AK-47 gives them the right to dehumanize their fellow man. I never saw the shit get serious. I always assumed my current state was awful but this cheery dark skinned man has seen more awful serious shit then most people ever will. At that point I felt dumb yet enlightened to the reason for letting shit slide and the secret to being happy.

“You still got your limbs, motherfucker” I think to myself when I get depressed, “You never had to witness your village burn or your loved ones getting raped with a high powered automatic rifle, so suck it up and deal.”

Shortly after that I applied for a new job, got it and never let my self get down, even if some motherfuckers out there think it’s 1984 Harlem again.